Can I Get a Freeze Frame, please?

Oh my word! This day is so gorgeous I need to document it so I remember it on those days that just aren't. The rain came back and brought with it a front. This front was cooler, drier and sunny and just fabulous. I am sure you might be suffering from whiplash with my mood swings lately.....

Weather is such a huge factor in the way I am feeling. I hate feeling trapped and when the weather is stinky...well, I just don't want to do anything, thus the trapped feeling. And I don't mean snow...I can handle that. I am talking about dreariness and gray days and drizzling rain...you know, crap weather.

But, I am here today looking out my window and this is what I see. In the next few weeks, this tree will be red. I'll look out the window and see a sea of red. It will be glorious! I'll capture that too.... to remember how nice it was, this almost October day.

(...and "just so you know", don't read too much into this Decemberists song playing....I just like it and missed this show this past weekend.)

Translations

Hohse oooh...(hold you)

sigh..(outside)

djoose...(juice)

sguss-EEE....(Scuffy, The Tugboat)

elbowe....(elmo)

dadye dacks.... (byebye jacks)

gagye gus... (byebye bus)

mouf...(mouth)

foofoo...(poo poo)

guck....(truck)

guck....(duck)

gutsk...(stuck)

ucka gucka....(yucky)

i-kay...(okay)

ga- gon... (all gone)

OOO-dows.... (noodles)

shaow... (shower)

shaow....(flower)

AND

eye yuv oooh.... self explanatory.

and the big kid: we just grew out of "mext time" & "teem-ager" and replaced it with "just so you know...." before he says anything.

So sad.

Too much?

Lately the schedule around here has been just a tad bit overwhelming....for me. (You are not hearing an echo, I know I've said this before...) I know that the trick is to just think about one thing at a time. Just think about what is right in front of me and deal with the rest later. So, in other words...compartmentalize. Yeah, right. I want to know...if you are a woman, can you do that? Really?!?

Besides the regular stuff like school, chores, shopping and eeking in some playing here and there somewhere.....this is what the schedule looks like once 3 pm hits during the week.

Mon - tennis, homework, dinner, cub scouts

Tues - homework, karate, dinner

Weds - dinner, homework, small group

Thurs - karate, dinner, homework

Fri - karate, dinner

Then add 3 or so nights of working late...plus organizing a major art show.

I added dinner in the mix because when things are this scheduled...dinner has to be scheduled too. I know it's a given...we HAVE to eat. But, when we have to eat at a CERTAIN time, well, that just adds to the stress for me. It seems weird to some, but being this organized does not come easy. Phew.

Ok, so granted, I get help from the husband on some of this with one kid....and sometimes we do a hand-off of kids in transit. What happens when 2 kids are this involved? Or that this one kid wants to add something to the mix? Tales of the overscheduled....

Oh, and I'd like to create art in there somewhere, blog and work out some...

So, sometimes, like last week...I just shut down. The introvert in me just implodes. Powers off. Breaks. And then I don't do any of it....and guess what follows...guilt. Guilt, schmilt. What a useless emotion.

Is this what your schedule is like? And if you can handle all of this and more...I am in awe.

And I realize that some people do all of this PLUS work full time...I've just been humbled.

One More Thing...

I should note also that my dislike of "hole" is not just in the word...but in the meaning. This is definitely a case where the meaning of the word is worse than the actual word. And TUBULAR HOLES....don't even get me started. And the word must be said with a hard HHHH.....like you have a loogie stuck in the back of your throat. hhhhhhole... ugh.

I was looking for some pictures....but I couldn't even go there. I shuddered at least 5 times.

words and such

Sometimes when I am lying in bed at night NOT sleeping, I think about things. Yes, we all tend to replay the day... stress a little about what's ahead or behind us. But that's not what I am talking about. I am talking about really random things. Like... sometimes I can hear music in my head. (And I don't just mean that annoying 80's pop song that got stuck in your head because you heard it in the grocery store.) I hear entire musical scores. Original to my brain alone, but possibly influenced by some outside source that I am unaware of. This musical interlude goes on for some time and I think that maybe, just possibly, I might be able to get myself up and go to the piano and play it out. Note by note...by ear. It should be said that I cannot play the piano nor can I read music. But, I still have the fanciful notion in the twilight of my sleep that I might be infused with magical musical powers.

Other times when I am in that pre-sleep state I think about words. Words I like, not only because of their definitions, but also because of the way they roll off your tongue:

lilting

whimsy

flappable

fancy

giddy up

peaceable

Then there are those words that are unfortunate enough to have a terrible meaning attached to an otherwise lovely sound. Case in point: diarrhea. Such a lovely word, really. Such an unfortunate definition.

Then there are the words I could do without:

hate

booger

crack

zit

and the worst.... HOLE.

These are such harsh words. Such finality to them. No glorious, lilting, loft to any of these....

Words have such power. The way we use them, the way we define them, the way we express our ideas through them. I am still working on the perfection of words. Then there are times when there are no words. Nothin'.

Chew on this

My mom said she was worried about me due to my recent blog posts. That she thinks I may be "losing it". Doesn't she know that I lost it....like, a long, long time ago?

So, needless to say, I re-read the last few entries...well, maybe most of them. And I suppose I do seem a little (deep) fried. This has been an interesting time in my life...and like I said, I am just figuring it out. When I write about something, I am just processing it. Working it out. Doing the math. You know. So, I apologize to you, my 2 readers, if I have brought you down. I will attempt to be more a cheeri-ho than a ho-hummer.

But first, I have to tell you about a friend of mine. His name is Joey and I had a crush on him in 6th grade. We would meet at the corner of a busy street to walk across together to the main campus of our school where then we would take a bus to the middle school campus. He always waited for me. He always smiled. I remember he got a buzz cut at some point that year and I loved to rub his head and call him fuzz-bucket. I am not really sure why? Who knows why we do and say the things we do when we are 11.

I moved to Florida in 8th grade and lost touch with most of my middle school friends. When I went to the University of Georgia my freshman year, a lot of them showed back up in my life.

Through mutual friends and the fact that his fraternity was next door to my sorority, I saw Joey again. We would always hug, chat and take the requisite "Pictureman" picture. Over the years, I would hear about him from time to time. Little Joey, or Joe, as he is now known, died last week in his sleep. He was 35. How does that happen?

So, I am again reminded of the preciousness of our lives and the reality that it can be gone.... like that.

I'll be a cheery-ho next time.

Insomnia

If you know me....and you know me well, you know that I have never had much of a hard time sleeping. I have been known to fall asleep many places....before taking off on an airplane, always in the car, couches, dr's offices, classes...well, you get the idea. I have never had trouble sleeping at night and have always slept hard. Never....until now. I don't know what the deal is but I have become an insomniac...an insomniac until 4 or 5 in the morning and anytime during the day. I can sleep fine then. I know, it sounds like my internal clock is messed up.....but why?

Hormones? Stress? Uncomfortable mattress? Caffeine? Napping? AGE!?! Probably yes, yes, yes, yes and YES. Either way, I have a vicious cycle to undo...and this little bottle has been my miracle drug lately.

Oh, the drag of getting old.....

Sweating the small stuff....

....and it's all small.

Do you ever have a day that seems to just bombard you with little things that feel monumentous? Today is a bit like that for me. It's not one thing or even two, it's all the the little things added up probably all week long and today....well, today I'm combusting.

First of all, I tend to look at my house as if I were a potential buyer... (a practice that really needs to come to a swift death) because #1, it's NOT on the market, and #2, I see every little thing that needs to be fixed, cleaned, changed and re-arranged. That alone can overwhelm even the most sane of people. (of which I don't seem to be....)

I also seem to be really busy all of a sudden. With school activities, PTA Reflections work, homework, kid's sport activities, work, a new small group, and oh yeah, trying to be an attentive mom to an 18 month old and a caring wife, (ha.....that last one is laughable.) I'm feeling the squeeze. It usually turns out though that the busier I am, the more I actually get done. That's a funny phenomenon. Right now though, the LITTLE things like the house stuff is feeling huge. I just took a hot shower with pounds of Comet and I am hoping and praying that my insides won't turn to green goo. But the non-toxic stuff just doesn't work sometimes. And there is something therapeutic about using toxic chemicals to scrub away the grime...metaphorically speaking.

So, here I sit...soaking wet, processing the inner ramblings of my mind and needing a "come to Jesus" moment....or ten.

The Mixed-Up Goldfish by L.O. j

"Once there was a goldfish. The owner was a nice man. One day he even started to clean his bowl out everyday! But one day, he got to see the world! The man left a few times, but he never was hurt. The last time the man left the goldfish, he made a wish. He wished he was a crab then he suddenly turned into a crab! I wish I could be a whale egg. Bam! I wish I could be a shark. Bam! Click clock click clock, the man was coming! How do I turn into myself? I wish I could be myself! Bam!

Hi fish, the man said. And they lived happily ever after.

The end."

(gotta love the BAMS!)