Time...

SO, this long weekend wasn't too exciting...

But it was nice to just have TIME!  We didn't have any baseball games, or karate, or ANYTHING!! It was great.  We just had time. Time to do things we've been meaning to get around to. Time to garden, time to go on a little shopping adventure (REI...what fun! The boys, well really just the older one, needed new shoes and the little one got some matching....thanks Nana!), time to just hang out together, and time to play a little. But, still not enough time to get around to all the endless TO DO lists...Do you have those too? 

But little a. did so many funny new things this weekend. He's changing so fast! He is still not clearly speaking (talking is overrated anyway...) but he definitely understands soooo much. He says juice and shoes..... and they sound the same.  He says da-da and that......and they sound the same. He says da-da and ma-ma......and THEY sound the same. But hey...I am starting to get it. He does what we ask. (except sit down) and he is signing a bit.... We are progressing! And he gives the greatest kisses and best all out body hugs you've ever had.

And I  just don't want to miss it! Any of it. And, I find myself so pre-occupied at times that I am afraid I am missing so much. Don't you ever just wish you could hit the pause button on your brain?  Or is that just a problem I have?  Overload central! It's all those darn TO DO lists.... I better get better at being present in the moment or all this precious time will pass me by. Check out some of the fun pics I took this weekend:

"There is never enough time to do everything, but there is always enough time to do the most important thing."

Vegan Banana Bread!!!

Yay! I have been on a kick to make homemade banana breads. I made one recently that was super yummy but had eggs in it.  Maybe even milk (I don't remember) but since the a. man has a milk protein allergy and a minor allergy to eggs, soy and peanuts, I am looking to great alternatives.

If you are allergic to dairy, what's the first option you go to?! Soy. Yes, but what if you also are allergic to soy. hmm...tricky. Now, his blood tests showed a higher reaction to these other 3 than did his skin tests. His allergist originally said not to worry about it. I am not so convinced....why, then does he still react?  I  am not taking any chances. So, here's to elimination and substitution. Although, getting the good oils and fats in him is proving to be the challenge. 

So, it turns out, I can bake! Who knew? I can't cook all that well. I think it has something to do with distractibility.  I have great ideas, but to be a good cook, you have to have focus with creativity in the kitchen. If there is one place in my house that I lack the most focus it is THE KITCHEN. There is so much else to do there. Ugh, it is quite distracting and I burn a lot!!  But, measuring things out and setting a timer on the stove...that I can do!  

So, my vegan banana bread was moist, and not too sweet. Just perfect.  

Here's the recipe I adapted from one I found online.

( I actually made 2 loaves so I doubled everything.)

2 large or 3 small very ripe bananas

1/4 cup applesauce

1/4 cup coconut oil (I substituted this for the canola oil it called for)

1/2 cup sucanat sugar

2 tablespoons molasses

1 cup all-purpose flour

1 cup white whole wheat flour

3/4 teaspoon baking soda

1 teaspoon ground cinnamon

1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg

1/2 teaspoon salt

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Lightly grease a 9x5 loaf pan.

 

In a large mixing bowl, mash the bananas really well. Add the sugar, applesauce, oil, and molasses, and whisk briskly to incorporate.

Sift in the flour, baking soda, spices, and salt.  Use a wooden spoon to mix until the wet and dry ingredients are just combined. If you want, you could add nuts or choc. chips here....yum

Transfer the batter to the pan and bake for 45-50 minutes. The top should be lightly browned and knife should come out clean.

Easy peasy.  And the kids LOVED it....even my non-baked-goods loving husband.

Mama Bear

WARNING: I am on a rant here. I risk offending

ideologies....but, hey it IS my blog. That being said, I do love you all no matter what you believe. :)

As parents, moms especially, we find so much meaning in the little things our kids do. Poor little guys; they are geniuses one minute and aliens the next.  They show brilliance when they learn their first word at 6 months. Then something MUST be wrong with them if they can't ride their bikes at 5 years.

I am trying to let go of the small stuff...not obsess...not nit-pick....not be THAT crazy mom. (This can be difficult.)  I am not one to live vicariously, at least I didn't think....  But when your child shows exceptionality, don't you just want everyone to see it, appreciate it and of course applaud it?!  My first born has always been exceptional...of course, to us. But when you hear it outside of your own mind, you go..."Yeah, that's right. He is pretty amazing." And the idea grows. Then when the day comes and you are confronted with that ugly word, you know...."average" (insert horror movie scream here)...are you taken back? Do you dig your heels in? Do you revolt against the idea? Or do you sigh and say, well, it's probably better that they learn this now.  So, one day he isn't blown away by the concept that he isn't the smartest, fastest, best and brainiest.  Better to get a reality check at 6?  I'm just wondering....

All this is coming to me on the heels of the Honor's Day in j.'s first grade classroom. This is his first year in the public school and I did my research before sending him on.  I read the reviews, talked to the parents, understood the limitations, but felt this was a "good school" and was excited about some of the possibilities that his little private school couldn't offer him.  He was accepted into the "gifted program" midway through the year. (since he wasn't there last year they had to put him through the lengthy process of testing and determining he was beyond their phonics and reading in the class....talk about sitting on your hands and twiddling your thumbs for 4 months!)  I was excited that he would have that outlet with similar minds and learning opportunities. That being said, that has been one of a very few flickering stars in a pretty ho-hum, and average year.  

He starts each year with an exuberance (and that's understated) to learn. He pushes what he can learn. He asks questions and begs for more difficult challenges. Then something happens, about mid-way, he gets defeated.  You see the change, the difficulty in keeping him engaged. He gets bored.  Is this what we are doing to our brightest? Squashing them down in the name of equality? Is this NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND? (sorry, I warned you I was on a rant...)

I have had lengthy meetings with his teachers, principals, counselors, etc. How else can we challenge him in the class? Can he go to different classes for certain subjects? etc.  One of the main things I kept hearing was...."we teach to the average".  What does THAT mean? 

So, back to the point.  Honor's Day. Yeah.  I love the way they come up with creative ways to acknowledge something that might drive them absolutely crazy, but then make it an award. 

No, I get it.  Really. Accentuate the positive.  Make each child feel like they've contributed to the class as a whole. While I get this....here's my beef:  

j. takes his spelling tests in a different room or in the hallway because he has different words than the rest of the class.  He cannot draw attention to anything he does that would be deemed "superior" in the eyes of the class as a whole. The kids know he is reading different books, they tell their parents he is the smartest one in the class. They don't care. It really doesn't matter to them...kids naturally do this kind of stuff.  I think they have a better internal gauge than we give them credit for. We are so worried about their fragile self-esteems. But don't you think, they will naturally figure out some kids are better at things than others. And I might just be better at something else. We all grew up this way. We figured it out. Heck, I remember coloring contests in elementary school. We would color a picture and post them unnamed on the chalkboard.  Then we'd vote. Who's was the best?  Maybe because mine always won :), but I really don't think this was cause for major therapy for any child.   Whatever happened to good old-fashioned competition?  Excelling. Isn't that what makes us great? Pushes us to be better. When did we become so okay with average? Mediocrity. Everyone is the same. 

Sigh, But I digress again....These are the awards j. got: 

1. Most Persistent - never giving up on what he believes in  

2. Most Likely to Become a Supreme Court Justice.

Okay, funny. But come on!! These are good things, I realize. Even last year he received an award for excellence in "Teaching Mrs. Jone's Unknown Facts" (this is all giving you a little insight into his little personality....) as well as some academic achievement awards. So, I suppose it's not so surprising that these were the awards his teacher decided to bestow upon him this year. I just wonder. So, many times, I heard his classmates whispering, "oh, that's for j." when they'd hear their teacher say "a reading excellence award goes to...." etc. But, no. No acknowledgement of his academic achievement. 

Now, I know I risk sounding like a crazy lady here. And maybe I am. I am just a little miffed. WTF? Ya know?

Now, I am gonna go chill and play with my baby.

random inspiration points

(make sure you pause the ipod to your right>>>>ha, like you never do. :)

Okay, so this is inspiration at it's finest and I had to share.....

We recently went to see Death Cab For Cutie at The Fabulous Fox Theater and it was fabulous. We have these super fun friends that live INTOWN and they are our show-seeing, music-loving, scene-knowing, hip-being, beer-aficionado connections to all things that are NOT suburban....
We try to get together whenever someone worth paying $ for comes to town. Our last time together was the eve of New Years Eve for Band of Horses...and, oh, it was grand! But, back to the subject at hand.......

I am not a musician. I live with one. I have a sneaking suspicion that one or more of my children may be one, but, alas...I am NOT one. I wish.......
But that doesn't mean that music doesn't inspire me. If anything, that is just the opposite. I hear great music.... and I want to create something. I see great music.... and I am inspired. I see AND hear AND watch videos of great music..... and I literally have electricity pulsating, zapping, stinging, shooting from my finger-tips. Besides the obvious awe of "wow, these lyrics are amazing!", there is soooo much more! I sit in awe of where the inspiration suddenly comes from. Is it first in the lyrics? Or is it the melody that comes first? Is it the riff? Then how each part comes together to fit perfectly. Then you add a music video with this kind of creative appeal??

COME ON!!!.......you had me at hello. I so could have been a groupie.

thin-skinned confessions.

Are you someone that can roll with the punches? You know, you are so easy-going, that things just don't ruffle your feathers?  If someone yells at you or flips you the bird, can you laugh about it? Or does it reduce you to (almost) tears? I have never been good with confrontation. Who is?!?

I don't totally get why it bothers me so much when other people have obvious rudeness issues. It's clearly not my problem ... but I do so hate it when people show their aggression at nothing. For example, behind the wheel. Road rage. Now, every now and then, (sigh) I admit, I have some anger issues...I like the idea of throwing plates and breaking them against the marble fireplace....or taking the broken-whatever-I-am- frustrated-with and launching it off the deck....it would feel so good! (for the record, I have never done this...but I imagine it sometimes. I have thrown a full bottle of Mod-Podge against the wall and am living with the consequences of that impulse now since our carpet in the office is ruined and I don't have any chance of replacing it anytime soon) It seems that I am still learning consequences of my actions...just like my children.  I do hope all my cyber-friends will still love me after this confession....

So, the other day I was driving in-town. Craziness in and of itself. Little a. had an appointment at Children's Hospital with an allergist and I was looking for the building. I was merging over and I suppose I didn't merge quickly enough...never mind the car in front of me didn't quite leave me enough room. Alas, hot and bothered, the BMW behind me sped past blaring his horn all the while and really showing me! Teaching me a lesson for sure.  

Then yesterday, pulling into the gas station line at the grocery store, I suppose I was a little in the middle of the lane. Again, never mind that there was PLENTY of room on the other side of the PARKING LOT for this oncoming car to go around me...instead I got the fist and the "what the fush-nickins are you doing lady" arm wave. So, either I am a little old lady driver now or everyone else has their panties in a wad.  Pull it out people, because you DO NOT want to mess with me!  

Now, I didn't actually cry.... But, I wanted to. If you have thick-skin, can I borrow a layer?

cheer-LEADING

Little j.'s baseball team hit a slump this year.  I have likened them to the Bad News Bears more than a few times this season.  And that's okay, really. Last year, his same team placed 2nd in the county and had a near perfect season.  It's always fun to be a part of a winning team...but how you react and behave when you are on a losing team has more of an impact....I think.

j. has always been competitive. Competition runs through his veins as adrenaline.  This is not something his dad and I have quite understood, actually. It's a bit mystifying.  At 5, under his own set of standards and understanding, he would equate "losing" with being a loser.  Again, not something that I felt we had particularly emphasized in his young life.  Struggling with this concept has been challenging, but we have seen some huge strides in little j's attitude lately.

So, back to baseball.  His bad news bears team has won only a handful of games this season. Don't tell j, but his dad and I hoped this might be the case to help teach him how to lose....gracefully. The wins were pure highs and the losses, well, they weren't so low..... amazing!  His skill has improved dramatically....there have been some awesome plays at first, great catches, consistent outfield hits....but more importantly, graceful acknowledgements of better teams.  Sure, he gets disappointed when he has run the numbers in his head and realizes at about the 4th inning that there is not a chance that they can come back.  That they have already lost.... But, rather than sulking, or crying or having a MAJOR meltdown, he has shown his maturity of late and continued to play with integrity.  wow.

Before the game yesterday, he (unprompted) stood in front of his teammates in the dug-out and proceeded to give a pep-talk that went something like this:

"Okay, guys...we really need to have some spirit for this game. NO sitting around not cheering for each other, but really shouting each other on. When we are batting, let's have some spirit! Let us hear you! It keeps us motivated. (with rising intensity...) LET'S HEAR YOUR SPIRIT FOR THE TEAM!"  

Seriously, I am NOT KIDDING in the least...this is what my 6, almost 7, year old said to his team as they stared at him from the bench. Then he proceeded to the stands and gave the same speech to the parents and spectators. 

HOLY COW KID... you amaze me.

Then, they lost.

 

questions and no answers

Do you ever feel like the change on the horizon is hurtling toward you and it could be a good thing, but you are too scared to welcome it?  Too scared to boldly go down that road. Too scared to let go of what you know. Even if what you "know" is not what you want.... 

Why do we get so comfortable with the status quo even if the status quo is not where our dreams lie?  

There are options and choices out there to make a change....but it's scares the living s** out of me. Taking leaps of faith are not unknown to us. But, in the past, the leaps of faith have not always been made with great wisdom. I've become a bit gun-shy.  By nature I am an instinctual person. I tend to trust my gut. My head and my gut are not always in agreement.  They tend to duke it out with my emotions laid on the line....and my sanity. I have been trying to change my thinking to include that ever important question with which to rule my life - "Is this wise?"

I have lots of questions right now and clarity doesn't seem to be on my side. 

But what else is new?