Proud and (not so) Proud Moments

This blog is turning out to be just a lot of words about my experiences in motherhood. I guess that's appropriate since that is where I am in life right now. My days consist of the joys, sorrows, drama, silliness, and profound moments of raising children. They are not all good...and sometimes, I wish I could borrow someone else's life for a day, but not for long....look what I would miss....

Those profound moments come along and sometimes make me grateful and sometimes make me heavy in heart.  They always offer me the opportunity to look inward and ahead and realize that I just need to chill. 

Most of my thoughts of my youngest child are very bread and butter. Basic. Just doing what needs to be done, enjoying the little things, making sure he's healthy (a bit of a stress) and just enjoying his baby-ness.  Most of my thoughts of my eldest child are about his person...his character, who he is, who he will become, and how to best reign his energy while nurturing his gifts and giving him structure while riding the balance of his needs and his desires.  This is a much more difficult job and I struggle daily with it.

While being one of the most difficult children I have ever known...he is a great kid. He has a pure heart and a pure soul.  He loves and feels deeply.  He can fly off the handle with the greatest of ease as well as impart wisdom beyond his years.   

He has done much and given me many proud moments in his young life. But, none so much maybe as something he did yesterday.  He was out playing football with some neighborhood kids (you know the ones from an earlier post...ahem.) During dinner, I asked about his time playing. How it went. If swear words were flying......you know, the usual.  

j: "No, but S. (a fifth grader) was calling G. (a kindergartener) an idiot". 

me: "Wow ... That sure is not nice."

j: "Yeah, that is why I told him to stop calling my friend names".  

Wow. Mom moment here.... tears in eyes....heart swelling, hand to chest.  Sweet boy of mine, you just made my month!

Okay, here's my not so proud moment....

After giving him a big hug and telling him how proud of him I was.  How this was such the right thing to do, etc. blah, blah.  He was pretty happy, blushing a bit...smiling ear to ear...

j.: "Did you hear that, daddy? Mommy said she was proud of me."

Heart.... Stops..... Beating.

Little j....I could never tell you enough how proud of you I am.  You make my heart swell...I am sorry I don't tell you enough.