Sticktoitiveness

n. dogged perseverence, tenacity.

(I thought I was going to have to define this through heather's "merriam"-webster dictionary, but whatdayaknow...there it is in the real deal. Who knew?!)

Little j. is going to be a black belt. At seven. Do you think that is weird? I do. I am sure people wonder if it will be a real deal black belt and it will. There are all sorts of things that he will have to do on this day that will have to exemplify perfection. There will be no room for error. As his instructor has said, (or "instruptor" as his 3 yr old self coined) this day will be the pinnacle of his 4 years of training. He will have to be "on" and it has to be The Perfect Day. Wow. No pressure there.

This silliness began innocently enough. I never even considered karate (or taekwondo) as a possible activity for the little man. He had already played one brief season of Y soccer and had various "sport tyke" and gym classes. Soccer was hilarious. He was much more interested in imagining the soccer field as a runway strip with him as the airplane than actually learning the game. (This is something I wish I could get back now....games and the rules therein are of utmost importance) One day when he was 3 walking through the mall, we were accosted by a fabulous sales pitch. I fell hard. Promises of self-control, respect, discipline, confidence and leadership were ringing in my ears.. like chimes from the Promised Land.

Recently, I stumbled upon some video of my sweet little 3 year old at one of his first "belt tests". It was cute, seeing them barely coordinated enough to get through their stances, saying the oath... "Each day I will live by honoring my parents and instruPtors...", and practicing stranger danger etc. j. had a rough time that day. It was NOT his perfect day. He couldn't sit still. Looking back, it was innocent enough. He was happy, he wasn't being too disruptive...he just fidgeted a bit....well, a lot. HE WAS 3!!!!!!!!! He didn't get his belt that day. He had to sit through the ceremony and clap as his peers received theirs and then promise to be on his BEST behavior for a week to finally earn it. I cried as I watched this again...just a mere 4 years later. I am still grieving that piece of my child that we stole away.

I don't claim to be a perfect parent. Quite the contrary, I trust others "professional" opinions more than my own "professional" instinct too much. (I am learning though...) I always thought, really what do you need to know? Just love the heck out of them. Right?! Well, you just don't know what challenges you are going to get. But, what I am slowly figuring out is that whatever you struggle the most with in yourself, TADA!!!....that's going to be your challenge in your parenting. I struggle with perfectionism. I struggle with setting goals. I struggle with living up to expectations. When did my kid become me??

There have been times, when he wanted to quit. "The Blue Belt Blues", they call it. "He'll get over it. What does it teach him to quit? Learning a lesson like this early on teaches him perseverance. What happens when he is in college and decides he wants to quit? " (seriously, I heard that. ) These words strike fear into any loving, good-intentioned parents' hearts... as it is intended to.

True to form, the kid wanes and then rallies. Right now he is into a rally. He is all about it. There are no complaints. But we are taking a "break". Unfortunately, it's only a couple of months off....that's all we could wiggle in our "contract." yeah, there's a contract. He is playing baseball too and I honestly thought I might crack with both going on. That and the drama that is school. (but hey, that's another blog post all together)

So, here I am. Self - actualizing at the expense of my eldest child. I hope and pray each day that he is stronger than any harm my confusion may have caused him. Isn't that how we all feel? But, they are resilient. We probably give ourselves too much credit as well as take too much blame. That's what THEY say anyway. Have you ever wondered who "they" are? I do. often. This is just what I have been thinking about.