To hold Infinity in the palm of your hand.....

There are moments in life that just take your breath away. These moments come for me late in the evening when the boys are fast asleep. I have already tucked them in and kissed them once, but I ALWAYS, always have to go back and kiss them again before I can go to sleep. I pick up my sleeping baby and hold his limp, sleeping body close to my chest...close so I can breathe in his sweet smell and kiss his soft cheeks. I can't pick up my big baby anymore...but I still kiss his forehead and marvel at his peaceful being fast asleep. These are the best moments of my day....

"Coldplay's on..."

I made this little slideshow for little j's. 7th birthday. I was taken back looking through our iphoto library and couldn't believe how time flies......it's taken me awhile to get it up here. (make sure you pause the ipod to the right or else you will have competing musical interludes..)

A little story:

When little old j. was around 18 months old, he stayed with J's brother and sister-in-law for a week while hubby and I went to a conference in Orlando. It was the first time we left him and was a bit sad for us....He, however, had a great time. Playing with his cousins, eating their family out of house and home, and just keeping everyone else entertained for awhile. He has always been good at that. Of all the stories we heard after the fact, there was one that we always quote...it's just become one of those sayings in our house...."COLDPLAY's ON..." (in a sweet 18 month old slur of spit and lisp with almost a lilting at the end as if it might be a question? Or an almost statement... sort of?)

So, I guess they were all in the car and little j. (since he was still little at the time) kept saying this over and over again....

From the back of the car, his aunt heard him and asked J's brother what he was saying...... Listening, he said...."I think he said, "Coldplay's on..."

"Well, is it?", she asked. He listened again....turned up the radio a bit...and replied..... "yep."

So, my little Coldplay lovin' sweetness....this is your song. And this is for you.

Beauty

I think this is so interesting. It could certainly spur on some interesting and questionable conversations.

Anyone out there wanna have dinner and talk about art? About reality? About what is beautiful?

Interestingly enough, I have signed myself up or, I should say, agreed to the charming pleas from my friend and neighbor, to chair the National PTA's "Reflections" program at j's elementary school. She knows I am a sucker for art programs. She knows that in a former life, I coordinated stuff like this all the time. She doesn't know all that I wrote about in my previous post. (totally kidding...to be fair, THIS is not what is stressing me out.)

This year's theme is BEAUTY IS....

The idea is to create a work of art: visual, video, musical, interpretative dance, written composition etc. with this theme. Whatever it means to you....

So, I asked j. what he thought about it. What beauty is to him. He proceeded to tell me a story about love. How when we love one another...that is the ultimate beauty. It's relevant to God's love.

Every now and then, an older, wiser sage enters my child's body and inhabits him for a few minutes. When he does, we get these glimpses of the future....a truly beautiful and hopeful one.

Then, just as quickly as he comes...he sneaks away, before we can even stop to catch our breath from the gasp that just escaped.

He may or may not get around to doing this project. He suffers from what I like to call..."procrastinitis". It's a serious disease that is genetic, unfortunately. But, we'll see...maybe with some gentle prodding.

ugh! AGGHH! UGHHH!

How's that for a title? Makes you really wanna read it, doesn't it? Like..."what in the world is she complaining about now?" geesh...

SO, I am just thinking about too much these days. And I have so much that needs to be done...and it's not fun stuff either. It's the stuff that piles up on you and you have dig yourself out...out of the muck...stuck in the muck....stuck like a duck in the muck in a yellow truck. (Yes, I did just say that. )

It's that problem that when it becomes too much, the piles, the "to do's", you just can't do anything. Do you know that feeling? When there's just too much....all you wanna do is bury your head? Or run away? Or is that just me....again? I feel a bit paralyzed. OVERWHELMED.

But, I'll get over it. I'll pull myself out of the muck and finish the lists. Make a plan. Figure it all out. My sweet mother-in-law would tell me that I just need to prioritize it. Do what needs to be done first. Put everything else on hold until I can get to it...and don't think about it ALL AT ONCE.

For real?! Ugh, I know....

Homesick

Do you have a place that makes you feel free? Where you just "fit"?.

I know that might seem hokey....."wherever you are, there you are"...and all that. But... for real people, am I the only one?! Does anyone just have someplace where their heart and soul just soars? Some would say you can find contentment anywhere...it's not in the place, but in yourself. hmmm.............?

My earliest memories are from a time that I lived in Montana. I spent time in between in Nebraska, some vacations that were pure thrill in Florida and a few summers in Virginia. That time in Virginia... I just remember as being hot. There was also some time in North Carolina and Florida. I don't consider Montana home, but when I moved to Colorado when I was 21, something about Durango told me I was home. Maybe it was the similarities in weather, sky, arid climate.....all I know was THAT was it. That was the place I most felt at home. That time in my life was so cathartic. (Maybe that time in everyone's life is cathartic?) I don't know, all I know is that was a great growing time for me...a time of independence, a time of spiritual growth, a time of finding great love.....

So, here I am, back in the South. Where it is.....hot. (although, I must say, we have had some unseasonably dry, and cool days:) But, I digress...again.

Durango was bliss. We often refer to it as Never Neverland...where you just don't really have to "grow-up". Alas, the time came where the "real world" came calling and we moved. Got "real" jobs, got married, bought a house, a car, had a baby.....etc., etc....

Moving back east was another cathartic moment in my life. I learned some hard lessons, grew up some MORE, found more love (little a.) and here I am....feeling homesick. Homesick for a place where I feel free. Where I breath cool, crisp air. Where I see the bluest of blue skies. Longing for WIDE OPEN spaces. Where I see beauty that speaks to me at every turn.

Have you seen it too?

Home is not where you live but where they understand you. -Christian Morgenstern

I long, as every human being, to be at home wherever I find myself. -Maya Angelou

Just some thoughts on a breezy day.

So, I've decided what I am going to do with that hallway wall. It's going to be exciting and I may have to stay up all night doing it. I hope it's worth it..... Once it's done, I'll unveil it here.

Not sure why I put the effort into this house since we are ALWAYS talking about selling it. But, and there is always a BUT, that time may not be now. So, might as well make the most of it....

I am also reading Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert right now. Have you read it? It is a true account of the author's life as she took a hiatus from her "real life" during a period of self-examination and rediscovery of her life and who she was. She travels to Italy to live for a time to "eat" and just enjoy the visceral pleasure of food and learning the Italian language for the simple beauty of it. She then goes off to India to an Ashram to study the practice of Yoga (and not just the athleticism of it...) under a Guru. "The art of mastering a place of eternal presence"...is how she describes it. Presence...what a powerful word....

After India, she goes to Bali, but I am only in India so I can't tell you about that yet.

She was about my age when she took this journey, however, she was not a wife and mother (which, I might add, was a reason for this trip of self-actualization). So much meaning in those two words.... I wouldn't want it any other way of course, but don't you ever wonder, those of my lovely readers who are also wives and mothers....where YOU are in that? There was more to me once....I was not always a wife and mother. Now don't get me wrong....I LOVE BEING A WIFE AND MOTHER!! The greatest of my life's joys have been because I have taken this path. I'd say that those two roles have certainly helped me become who I am meant to be and will be a part of who I am in the end of my days...but the presence of who I am these days...hmmm... It is interesting. Some days I do feel the tug inside - that heather inside...crazy, silly, creative, desiring to DO something great, remembering my favorite colors, flavors, songs...but somedays, well......I am just not there. But in the end, all of it will make up who I am.

This is my favorite quote and it's from an ancient Yogic text that she quotes in the book: "It is better to live your own destiny imperfectly than to live an imitation of somebody else's life with perfection."

Someone give me a color...any color will do.

I have a wall in my house that has had these paint colors arbitrarily swathed on it for too long now. I have been wanting to paint this wall for some time so one night, on a whim, I pulled out a few paint cans and laid these colors out for us to live with for awhile. It's been awhile. Time's up. But I still don't know. I don't really hem and haw over colors too long typically. I think, yeah, that looks good. Sure. Why not?! That could be why we have approximately 9 or so different colors in our house... Too many?!

This wall is at the top of the stairs in a hallway to all of the bedrooms. So, What do you think? Help me decide!! Or, if you have stellar design

sense, of course, I am all ears.

going down (above) and up (below) the stairs so you see what leads to it...